Eight is a Good Number
by Nook'n'Cranny
Summary: Toris makes a visit to Alfred's house and finds himself in an awkward conversation with an uninvited guest. :characters not mine:


_This is actually inspired crack from an RP, although I made a lot of changes to it, there are still some familiar lolz in there. I love my RP group =v= *totes RP's Russia*_

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The house was quiet all accept for the background noise of Tony the alien wrestling with a toaster and shouting very colorful American curses (and some in a language no one else on Earth understood).

Lithuania's visits to his former employer America were very casual and relaxing, which is surprising with someone so rambunctious.

The two of them sat on the couch in the living room, catching up on what's been going on in their countries.

"So, we've increased the sizes. When you order a small, it's actually what used to be a medium. Isn't that cool?" The American was beaming.

Toris spared and exasperated laugh. "That's really...nice, Mr. America. How about in Washington? I'm hearing of a lot of trouble going on between your people." At the mention of America's current politics, his smile dropped like a roller coaster over the high point. "It's great! We are still Land of the Free." He managed to be beaming again. It was understandable that having so much arguments rising in a Nation's government would worry them. It was a scary thing to have your people pitting against each other and threatening a new civil war. Toris gave the American a supportive smile.

Just then, there was a loud shout implying that the toaster had been born of unmarried parents and doomed to Hell. Toris blinked twice and a piece of flaming toast came flying through the kitchen door and into the living room, landing on the floor before the two Nations.

"-**thing is broken**!" came Tony's enraged yell. America stood up quickly, as his 'hero' duty called and he turned to Toris with a rushed "Be right back!" and was off. Toris was staring dumbfounded when he suddenly felt a chill. He rubbed one of his arms and sighed. This was an interesting visit.

"My little Toris~" chirped a heavily accented voice. The brunette, suddenly feeling small again, looked in all directions frantically. Just as quickly as it had came, there was a heavy bounce on the couch and the Russian man himself had been sitting right beside him, gazing at Toris like a parent who had found his lost child in a large store. The Lithuanian shifted awkwardly. His relations with Russia had been improved, well, he would be embarrassed to admit that perhaps they were closer than their countries ever were, in fact, but he couldn't help but be uncomfortable. He still retained his scars after all.

"I've been looking all over for you, moi Litva", he smiled down at the other, "First I checked your house, but you weren't there, so I went to Poland's and he told me to 'get lost and leave Liet alone' so I...anyway, I checked with Latvia and Estonia, but the two of them were both up to something strange..." Ivan's violet eyes glinted just then as if he were recalling a fascinating memory, "-but when I asked them about you, Estonia said that you were probably visiting someone or on business"

Toris sorted through the hundreds of questions that piled in his mind. "Wh-wait, what did you do to Feliks?", he accused. Ivan smiled sheepishly. "I only threatened him this time! Honest! No partitioning." Toris did not look convinced and he reached up and pulled a sticky note from Ivan's back. It said '_You're capital is now Warsaw_' in Polish; in unmistakable cursive baby blue ink. The Russian blinked from surprise. "How long has that been there?". Toris didn't answer.

Ivan's cheek twitched, but he said nothing more on it. "..anyway...I thought I would find you in America's house after I checked everywhere else you might be." (Except maybe Belarus) Toris shook his head. Oh, how this Russian was a handful. "Do you have to follow me everywhere, Ivan? What about when I'm away on business or something? Ah-are you saying I can't even catch up with an old friend?", Toris huffed out. Ivan twiddled his thumbs, face going a bit dark as if resenting the fact Toris had gotten so close to others. "I missed you, Lithuania~", he purred and slid his hand over the smaller Lithuanian's. Toris responded by flinching, followed by blushing, then giving in to the heavier Nation._ No! He was not pouting! Toris didn't pout! _Ivan glanced at Toris, who was indeed looking flustered and pouty, even.

"I can tell you secret, da?", Ivan inquired. Toris perked up from curiosity. "Uah, Taip", he accidentally slipped out some of his Native language, but that hopefully would not bother the other so much...Ivan seemed to not notice and whispered giddily_._

_"We should have babies~" _

"....uhh..come again?" Toris's face was of blank surprise. "Little ones, Toris!", Ivan explained. "Does eight sound like a good number? I think it sounds good."

Toris looked like someone slammed the door in his face. Then proceeded to slam it again. "Th-that sounds-er...Isn't that a bit..?" His face was sure changing colors quickly, Ivan noted. "Oh. You are wanting odd number? Nine then" Ivan stated.

"Wh-where did this come from, w-we can't-" Toris was blushing profusely, and so was Ivan, though the Russian seemed less openly flustered on the idea of making babies with his dear Toris. "Well, my original number was fifteen, Toris.", Ivan added as a plea.

"I-Ivan. You are male, as am I. We can't have children."

"..." Ivan blinked. "That is problem, isn't it?" Toris nodded.

It was when this dawned on Ivan that his smile was slowly replaced by a look of utter disappointment. Toris could swear he was about to cry when he quickly jumped in with supportive "Well, ma-maybe we can work something out!". He was leaning anxiously, still a little mind blown. How did their relationship go from 'hesitant fondness' to 'Baby making' in a matter of minutes?

Ivan's eyes brightened a little at Toris's attempt. His Torishka was always so considerate. "But even if we could make babies," Ivan said quietly with a sheepish and naive smile,"wouldn't we have to...?"

He was cut off as a projectile flaming toast slice made it's way into the room again, followed by more shouts from both America and the Alien. "Don't worry! I got this!", they could hear America sing. Seconds afterward, more crisp slices of toast came rocketing into the living room, then more shouts from America, this time, sounding panicked.

Ivan giggled. "Sounds like Amerika is having fun in there, da?" He was peering towards the kitchen, looking like nothing would be better than to join in the chaos in the kitchen. Toris had his face in his hands, rubbing his temples. Sometimes he wonders if he should have just stuck with Feliks.

_meanwhile..._

"E-Eesti!" Came a squeak from a room.

"No! Raivis! Don't touch tha-" Eduard groaned as there was another crashing sound and his beloved computer invention he had been developing was becoming scrap metal.

Raivis sniffled, "I-I-I'm so sorry! I w-was trying to f-fi-fix it!"

"Don't trip over it! That does not constitute as fixing things! Here, let me-" There was a loud thunk and a scream from Eduard who had just had a few bones in his foot damaged when the hammer Raivis had dropped landed on it.

Just seconds later, another crash, then the two of them had screamed and a "LATVIAAAAAA" was heard all through Eduard's house.

The End!

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_yeah...idk :3_


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